Upon hearing the word femininity one is immediately greeted with a dainty daydream of dimpled damsels frolicking under a sun struggling to match their radiance. Or, if you’re a fan of the hip-hops replace frolic with twerking and sun with a neon tinted mirror ceiling. Whichever, man. It’s your imagination. I just want us all to be on the same sticky page of titillating imagery. Got it? Awesome. Now let’s think about masculinity. Hip-hop aficionado or not odds are your mental picture just got way more butch than its sun-dancing companion. The logic being that the idea of force is virtually inseparable to masculinity. Even if that force isn’t always physical. Case in point: seduction. The key to any seduction, the busty bastard child of manipulation, is the subtlety of allowing the subject to believe the thought of courtship was their idea. This causes the victims to force themselves upon you. Although initially a female invention over the years men have learned to adopt this skill, and if Chael Sonnen and Reese Witherspoon are any example men have the game locked.
For those of you averse to violent combat sports (a.k.a awesomeness incarnate) Chael Sonnen is a UFC fighter with a polarizing personality akin to Ali in his prime. Reese Witherspoon on the other hand is an actress who should give out insulin shots at her movies, as she is so sweet. Over the past week both stars suffered big losses leaving stains on their public image. Stains equivalent to the carpet of an alcoholic animal hoarder. Chael, after taunting his less loquacious rival, light heavy weight champion Jon Jones, for months, lost decisively in the first round of a title fight. The loss put another unwelcome blemish in Sonnen’s 27-13 record, pretty much diminishing his credibility as a competitor and making retirement all the more imminent. Oh, yeah, and it made him seem like a laughing stock thanks to promos like this.
Reese’s equally embarrassing loss was to an Atlanta city police officer that arrested her husband, and subsequently her as well, on DUI and disorderly conduct charges respectively, after she verbally berated the cop on camera. If that doesn’t sound bad enough let me point out that Reese tried to flash her “celebrity card” to evade arrest. Yeah, apparently she’s one of those. Both stories reek of entitlement, explaining why they appear so damaging. Sonnen felt entitled to a title he clearly didn’t deserve, and Reese thought she was entitled to preferential treatment that no one should deserve. Enter the P.R. clean up.
Realizing his UFC days are numbered Sonnen decided to cozy himself up to the home of retired MMA fighters known as the WWE. How did he do this? Oh, he just claimed he wanted to buy the company. Nothing major. For as long as he’s painted himself as a trash talking rebel Sonnen has been compared to a WWE wrestler. So much so that former WWE Champion, and all around badass, CM Punk has become his good friend. In WWE Chael’s overtop antics would be par for the course, and this outlandish attempt of a corporate takeover is no exception.
How did Reese attempt to salvage her image? She was just caught rocking an Atlanta police department hat.
Really? Like, seriously?
One look at that picture and it’s blatantly clear that Reese has the subtlety of a hooker standing under her own billboard. Why does Chael’s P.R. move seem so much organic whereas Reese’s seems so fraudulent? Part of it comes down to their personas. Chael comports himself as a cackling bad guy so claiming he’s going to buy WWE seems comically in sync with his character. Reese, regarded as the jubilant southern belle, however appears to pandering all the way out to the cheap seats with a “please forgive me,” gesture that even Chris Brown would find loathsome. In a moment of passion Reese ditched her gimmick in favor of an authentic display of emotion. When she was called out on disproportionate demeanor she reverted to her character that now seems all the more disingenuous due to lack of subtlety. Chael didn’t say, “ I wanna work for WWE someday, because I’m sure even less people take me seriously since my loss last weekend”. He merely expressed interest. When his time in the UFC’s octagon comes to a close WWE, and UFC fans, could remember the gesture and forgive his grandstanding by reward him favorably with employment. Apparently Reese can learn a thing or two about the feminine approach from a UFC fighter.
Dyler Crews: This has been your captain speaking